Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
