I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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