Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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