I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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