HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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