do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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