; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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