the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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