i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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