Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
