Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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