I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
