Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
where are my eyebrows?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize