my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.