who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!