Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize