you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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