dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?