My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
