its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh god it's open bar.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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