I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
