im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
