Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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