my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
