this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
