If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize