the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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