just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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