It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
