i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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