those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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