1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't deserve a penis
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize