waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
