hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
please come you make the beer taste better
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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