I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
