While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
