mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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