Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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