she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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