Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
