your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
