forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
