he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
