I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
