it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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