I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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