also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
