Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
