No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
