i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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