I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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