I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.