Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone