and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom