CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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