Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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