I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize