u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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