went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
