thus making me awesome and them whores
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
