i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
