i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
