i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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