my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
