I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
