he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
