community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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