Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
