he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
