Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
