I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
