Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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